CONVERSING - narrative of the conscience

 

CONVERSING

And the room was dimmed by the pale light of a candle which cast his curved shadow against the wall. Even his shadow seemed more alive than he ever had been.

"Pale Tortured Blue" being played,

And it crushed him,

And he knew it,

And it tortured him,

And he knew it,

It was painful,

And he knew it.

"Your soul seems to want to leave the cage of your body, my dear."

"I see you're back after such a long time."

"And I see you have missed me dearly."

The bottle of darkened red wine standing right in front of him as he took it and gently poured some of its content in a glass. He then poured some more in another glass as he lit up a thin menthol cigarette. Oh, and the melody of the song playing sadness and sorrow, a festival of tears and pain engulfing his being, tightening around his already shattered heart,

And it crushed him,

And his soul crying for mercy,

And the prison of his body keeping it locked,

And he knew it.  

"I have perhaps missed you, though mostly have wondered where you had been"

"That is a way of missing something that you long for, don't you think? Let us not get entertained in banal notions. The matter is that I am here."

"I know that you are here. Will you take me with you this time? Will you embrace me? I am broken, and I have never been put back together."

"I see your longing for me, I see your gaunt soul craving for being released of its earthly prison, that even that candle right there seems to possess more life than yourself."

A doom gothic atmosphere enveloped it all in that darkened night as he kept on pouring more and more wine as if it were no tomorrow. Him sitting there in front of his own sorrows and fears and pain and all sentiments that flowed like a cascade as he tried in vain to contain. As he stared up the darkened night flashes of old memories invaded his head as he prayed for consolation, as he prayed for mercy for his time was short,

And that pierced him,

And he knew it, 

And he surrendered to his sorrow,

And he knew how much his heart desired to stop.

"It certainly has more life than I do, even its flame struggles to keep on going, as I myself only want to stop going, to let myself be forgotten."

"Although fire still leaves its own ashes, I assume yours are to be left behind."

"That's right. I guess that if I was given the opportunity I wouldn't leave any traces of my being."

"Don't weep for it is of no use and you shall come with me finally for I appreciate your missing me."

"I didn't miss you, I just thought about you, that's all."

"The thread between those two is so imperceptibly thin, I may add. But I appreciate your being so honest and forward about your desires in this moment. Long have I longed for this moment to come. And here we finally are."

Another puff of blue smoke, and another gulp of darkened red wine and another gush of tears. What more was there for him in a world that has already been long gone. Him being broken and hurt, shattered again and again under a mask of false pretense. He was broken and already gone,

And he knew his sorrow well, 

And it rooted itself deep within,

And he knew it.

He knew it.

"Take these shackles that bound me please!! I can't take it any longer! I am living a dead life of no purpose and all around me is bleak and meaningless!. Don't you see how powerless I am in this world which is just a song of loneliness and solitude. I have already become a shell, a ghost in a shell of a body! I beg you! Rid me of this decadence!."

As the night broke away to let the gleaming sunlight opening the doors for birds to sing and to a cold winter breeze, there was still an unbroken silence which swallowed it all. She had already kissed him goodbye, and there was no more earthly cage, just nothing in that room. Nothing.