FALLING IN LOVE? NO THANKS.

FALLING IN LOVE? NO THANKS. - by jrqc

I have spoken to myself, I have read extensively, and searched tirelessly, yet I have found nothing. Within my complexity, I wander and, at times, I easily get lost. My mind seems futile in matters of the heart, as it appears to possess a life of its own. I advise my heart, 'Do not feel that way, for surely, you will lose that battle. Do not expel the fumes of a volcano, as its lava will turn you into ash.' Unfortunately, my heart disregards my counsel, provoking my rationale to stir with irritation at its core. It seems one cannot live without the other. Yet, it would be easier if only rationale persevered in the minefield of life that we navigate.

Certainly, my dominion over my emotions is scarce when powerful feelings take a predominant role: love and hate. Falling in love makes the heart awfully weak, and, of course, rationality suffers from its poison. Thought processes seem affected, leading to poor decision-making, confusion, and the worst of all: vulnerability. At this occurrence, an unavoidable feeling of regret and hate arises when that love is one-sided, provoking a stream of feelings that I personally have no control over. This frustration pervades me inside out, provoking not only irritation but also physical restlessness, and it certainly is upsetting to realise that one emotion repercutes all over my mind and body just because of my lack of expertise and control over it. It is as if you tried to master the weather. You simply cannot.

Basically, I am still looking and searching for a solution to this predicament, yet nothing I have found, there are now comforting words out there to "tame" the heart, to make it resign to its rebellion, although I assume that every heart has a kingdom of their own, and they're the only rulers, capricious, cruel and fair at times. I should only wait and confide that it will fade away. Someday.

Certainly what I have just explained above is far from a new notion of knowledge or discovery, since many of you out there have experienced the bitterness sensation of being unable to restrain one's heart, but perhaps it can help me to forsake that horrid feeling within me if I type about it, if I at least attempt to make sense and comprehend the damage that Love is provoking. I do just hope to be successful in this endeavor.

In the meantime, I should abhor Love's provocation to sink my standing point about it, to shake my tranquility of thought, although this is certainly temporal. That I can assure. Love is ravage and reckless and in its desperate attempt to make me succumb, it leaves room for disorganization, its own mess and carelessness takes over, leading it to its inevitable demise.

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What am I to you but a simple whisper that gets carried away by the breeze? Oh how I wish I was more than a clump of sand and bones, that drain through your fingers like water, but, could I just be more than existence? Tell me dear, for I long to be, for I long more than mere existence! In my dreams of dreams you kiss me, in my dreams of dreams you exercise your power over me, and I just succumb to the temptation of your temple, I just surrender my flesh to your overpowering caprice of molding me like clay, but tell me dear, is it gratifying being the victim of such relentless temptation? What am I to you? What do you seek from me? You kiss me with your embrace, and I tremble, and I sing to escape you, and yet still you kiss my tears, so tell me my beloved, are you here to let me go yonder where the shadows don't dare to envelop their surroundings? tell me I beg of you, for existence is vague when there is no purpose, and I long for not only the love of yours, that flesh of ...

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